six years.

Six years ago Heaven welcomed our little Micah. I remember it as if it was yesterday and yet it feels like such a distant time for me.

Six years.

What would it be like to have a six year old? How would our lives be different if he would have lived?

Would he be helping daddy fix cars already?
Would we have been watching him play soccer this fall?
What would he look like now?
Would he have curls like Grace and Jackson?
Blue eyes like his brother or brown like his sister?

The cemetary where he is burried is located right across from an elementary school. As we stood there today it was so hard to believe that if things had been different he would be going there now.

As I was taking the moment in, I looked over to where Jordan was holding Grace. As I have many times since she was born, I thought about the fact that she would likely not be in our lives had Micah lived. My sweet Grace.

I also thought about all that God taught me through losing Micah. I now possess a deeper understanding of trusting in God and knowing Him as my provider. I am closer to God, my husband and my children as a result. Looking back, I can see how far He has brought me from those lonely November days.

There is still a part of my heart that will always remain empty - no number of children could ever fill that void. But the pain has lessened and I have grown. I find comfort and hope in knowing that I will see him again.